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2000 Tour Reports Index


DDD Tour- March-May

Mar 14-18- SXSW-Austin:
pools of water reflect the sky like mirrors

Mar 18-23 The Southeast:
kiss the ground in Baton Rouge

Mar 23-31 The East Coast:
"just tell me, is this still part of the game?"

April Week 1 - NorthEast Coast:
what can make a towel smell like bacon?

April Week 2 Midwest Datest:
crying to the music of the Doors

April Week 3 - Go West:
It's so exciting when people beat the crap out of each other!

April Week 4- West:
That West-Coast, I-5 feel

May Week 1 - End:
"I'm a Man and I Have Needs"


Poster Children DDD Tour Reports

2. The Southeast part a: Kiss The Ground In Baton Rouge

Leftover Austin Stories - Analog Police and Good Hotdogs

The Policeman and the Internet Browser

We stopped at the Police Station in Austin on the way out of town for me to drop off this wallet I found last night. When you walk into the Austin Police Station, all you see everywhere are huge signs saying "JAIL" and huge arrows on where to go, probably to get your friend out of jail. The signs are obviously meant for people who are VERY drunk to be able to read. Since there were no signs for "Wallet Turning-In" I had to ask a policeman in a little watch tower where I should go, and he looked at me like I'm a criminal and said, "LET ME SEE YOUR ID!" (and of course, I didn't have it with me again) - his policeman-friend brushed him aside and said, "Oh, just go downstairs to the lost and found." I said, "Thank you." I started getting a bit pissed off at the first policeman, I mean come on, if I was a criminal what the HELL would I be doing in the %*$(#) police station??

Anyway, I found a little metal cage in the basement with a big old fat, white-haired policeman sitting in it with a hearing-aid, and I ended up sitting there for a half-hour, giving him a tutorial on how to use the internet to find someone when you have their driver's license and student ID card. I showed him the "Search" button. He was very sweet and wished me luck on the road, but now I have kind of a queasy feeling in my stomach, thinking about how incompetent he was. These are the people who are in charge?

A Good Hotdog Story

It pains me to tell this story but I know I have to do it. You can all laugh at me now after I tell this.

We're waiting outside the Atomic Cafe last night, and I keep complaining "I'm STARVING! I'm STARVING!" Like a broken record, I'm complaining. Everyone else ate earlier and for some reason I decided not to. So I'm starving now. Anyway, up ahead of us, I see a food-van pull up; you know, one of those metal vans that stops and sells food. So I tell the others, "I'm going out to that food truck to buy a quick snack!" and I amble out the van door and down the street to the van. When I get there, I tell the guy standing outside of it, "I'm STARVING!" I think I forgot to mention that we are also parked in front of the Bail Bonds store, this is the only corner of Austin that looks very shady. Lots of homeless people with cellphones hanging around.

You already know what is going to happen, don't you. The guy says exuberantly to me, "Oh, that's WONDERFUL! We can help you!" and I say, "Great! What do you have?" and he says, "Hotdogs and hamburgers!" - I notice out of the corner of my eye that the truck is full of McDonald's hamburgers so I say, "great, I'll take a hotdog" and he hands me a toothbrush and says, "Do you need a toothbrush?" and I say, "Oh, no, I'm fine with toothbrushes" and I see there are hotel toiletries also being 'sold' here... And then a lady hands me a plastic bag and says, "Ok, here is your Goody bag!" and I look inside and there's an apple and milk and other things, and I say, 'Oh, no, I don't need this, I just need a hotdog", and the guy says, "Ok," smiles, and hands me a hotdog... and I say, "how much" and he says, "Oh, it's free! Everything is free here! We're a Church donation bus!" and my stomach sinks to the floor. I'm holding a homeless person's hotdog!! I'm going to hell! Think fast - how do I rectify this situation? I say, "Oh, please, at least, let me make a donation" and he says, "Oh no, you don't need to do that, we're fine!" and by now there are people milling around the bus waiting for their goodies. So I thanked the guy and left and walked back down the street to the van, head down, terribly ashamed, and gave the rest of the band something to laugh about. And on top of it all, think about this - I must look like a homeless person! (To this, Rick says, "they've learned not to ask." Always comforting.)

Saturday March 18, 2000 - Denton, TX

Denton, TX - Home away from home of Norman, Oklahoma kids

Rubber Gloves is full of smart young teenages, fasionably-dressed, standing around looking so cool, and most of them again have driven up from Oklahoma to see our show. I like this place- and they've obviously been working on it; the stage is bigger and it looks like the ceiling's been fixed. It's a club that's on its way up - and it's so nice to see something like that. A girl interviews us and talks to us about Noam Chomsky. When I think about how rich our lives are from touring, how we get to see people like Kevin - and his dad - once a year on tour, travelling hours to see a couple of shows in a row, and there have been so many others that we have been able to watch grow up over the years, I can only term it as 'rich.' Maybe other bands get their names and faces in glossy magazines, but those are so transient, disposable, fleeting compared to us getting to meet people and touch peoples' lives in the way that we do. I have watched kids grow up from being precocious little 14-year olds, watching their writing change over the years, people thanking us for having something to do with their staying in college. We have the absolute best fans in the world.

For encore today, I ask for requests and a bunch of people scream "MODERN ART" - Rick worries he doesn't remember the words. I say, "Does anyone know the words?" and a guy screams, "I know the words, my band covers it!" So I say, "Are you all here?" and he yells, "YES!" so I invite them up on the stage and well, they play Modern Art for all of us! What fun!! Howie stage-dives and dances on the stage. (Now, the rest of the band tells me to inform you all that this will not ever happen again, so don't get any ideas. hehe)

Sunday March 19, 2000 - Lafayette, LA

Approaching one of our favorite states to play in

The sign that welcomes you to Lafayette is in French first, with the English translation underneath. We are set now to lay back and let humanity just sort of slow down around us. People drive around without their turn signals on, all the signs have mis-used apostrophe-'S's, and everyone is beautiful and nice. It's finally sunny and warm outside, the club is big and has sparkles all over it, and there are fish places everywhere. We're going to stay at our motel 6 in Lafayette for 3 days, and I spent a lot of it just sitting outside near the pool! We went to a bookstore here, drove around, sat on the college campus in Baton Rouge, and basically had a wonderful time; too much fun to even write about. It's like we're on vacation now. The Lafayette audience was good. We ate at a place called "Prejeans" (pray-ZHONS) - obviously where they send the white tourists; it was a huge, terribly expensive fish place with a live 'cajun/zydeco?' band - a bunch of old white guys playing weird music with accordians. The food was great!

I think this is the Atchafalaya Swamp, or it's near it, anyway.

Monday March 20, 2000 - Baton Rouge, LA

I forgot to get a picture

I cannot believe I forgot to take a picture of this audience. It has actually depressed me to the point of not being able to write tour reports for the past two days, which is really silly. I'm writing this on Wednesday - but I still remember how great the Baton Rouge audience was, over a hundred people screaming for encores, and we just kept playing. I love the Bayou - that's the club we play at here. I told the audience that the rest of the tour was going to be a lot different compared to this show, and asked them if there was some way they could come along with us. I know we will have some other enthusiastic audiences too; like Seattle, and Chicago and maybe some places on the East Coast, but MAN, it SURE is wonderful to play here in the southeast and be loved. And we love you all back.

I complained

We actually called up our label today and complained - we don't like to do this, but we've gotten a couple of playlists from college radio stations and it seems that the Salaryman record is doing pretty well on different college charts - but on many of them, the Poster Children record is nowhere to be seen. Like, not even "added." We have an "Independent Promoter" working out record, which means we pay this guy a LOT of money to get us played on COLLEGE STATIONS. That's right, not even Commercial Stations. Most bands on indie labels do this sort of thing; once again it's the way to skirt payola. I'm not sure exactly what the independent radio promoters do, but it's some kind of alchemy, and then you get your name higher on the charts. Anyway, no one is paying anyone anything to get the Salaryman record on the charts, and it's doing really well. And the Poster Children album is AT LEAST as good as the Salaryman album (see your Spin magazine), I mean, I don't want to sound too proud, but really, we are REALLY HAPPY with this album! And we'd like people to hear it. So basically, we called up our label to find out if there was anything we could do to help.

Tuesday March 21, 2000 - Lafayette, LA- salaryman show

I sat by the pool today and then we went to buy books. Touring is very, very hard work. We got takeaway dinner from a popeye's/texaco station and then we played a salaryman show - it went very, very late - we got onstage around 12:45am and got off around 1:40. That kinda sucked. The club was pretty full of people early on, around 11pm, when we were scheduled to play, but after around midnight, most of them seemed to leave. I wondered if people even knew which band it was that was playing - when I walked into the club around 11, a girl came up and asked me if we'd played already.

It's hard to tell whether or not I need to be policing a situation like this, yelling at the opening bands to start playing at 10pm or just letting this all slip by and getting on stage really late. I feel sorry for people who come to see us and have to stay up so late; but I don't want to be an asshole and make an opening band go on earlier than they want to. I'll just say this though; when we used to open for bands, we'd never screw around like that. We go on when they tell us to go on. It's all band karma; if you pay your dues, good things will happen to you.

Rick Salaryman

Anyway, tomorrow I will definitely POLICE, because we've had enough bad experiences starting at 1 in the morning at Sluggo's, on a weeknight. I'll have to figure out a good way of doing it, because I don't want to be an asshole, but then I do remember that each time I would tell the promoter at Sluggos that It Is Getting Late, Perhaps The Opening Band Should Start Soon, usually I'm told that the bass player of the band is nowhere to be seen... and he usually reappears around midnight....

See? Even in paradise I can find something to complain about!

Wednesday March 22, 2000 - Pensacola Florida

Last night I saw Angelina Jolie's nipples on TV! They are HUGE, and so are her breasts! I didn't know she had such large boobies. You can't tell by watching the movie Hackers - she never wears anything low-cut in there. Except at the end, but she's in a pool and they're floating.

Thursday March 23, 2000 - Orlando, Florida

I'm happier to be in Orlando today. I'm also really exhausted and don't feel like writing much. I am remembering how much pain I was in the last time we were in Florida- I had my ear infection. It's weird to visit places where you were in so much pain the last time you were there. When I jumped onto the stage today at the Sapphire Supper Club, I remembered what my head felt like the last time we were there. The guys were telling me that I slept in a little room backstage and I didn't even remember the room.

The Sapphire Supper Club is one of the most beautiful clubs that we play in the US. It's shaped really wide and has red velvet drapes and little alcoves with old victorian furniture in it, but it's really very posh-looking. The people who come to the shows here are fantastic; they all look so different. Some look very normal, others have shit in their faces, still others are 70-year old men who kiss my hand. Very, very strange. But you know Orlando has got to be weird because it's Run by The Mouse. Rick says that the government of Orlando has the right to build its own nuclear reactor.

Later tonight we drive 90 miles out of the way to the west coast, Sarasota, where my parents happen to own these 2 weeks of a timeshare condo right on the beach. So we visited with my family for a couple of hours, slept and ate lunch and then drove to Jacksonville!

Best Metaphor I've Ever Seen

On the way to Sarasota tonight I saw the most amazing thing - off in the distance, driving down I-4 west of Orlando, looming in the darkness off the highway, a huge white modern-art sculpture of a mouse silhouette made of three bright whitish/silver steel rings and a post into the ground, a massive mouse cookie-cutter. It's lit up, and looks like a Calder statue. When you get closer to it you notice it's built into the power structure; powerlines are emanating from it. What a metaphor!